2003-10-10 - 12:11 p.m.

Leofwynne asks:

"....a question or two....for those of you at or over 30....

At what point did you consider yourself an "adult", if you consider yourself one?"

Hm. I�m not sure. At 10, I was the senior female in residence/chief cook and sometime household organizer. So on some practical levels I grew up quickly. Emotionally, maybe not so much - I still do childish things when I can't help it.

But I think it's all about definitions. For me, a lot of being adult (in the practical context) means being able to support yourself, live within your means, participate actively in your community, contribute to the common good, not be a "burden to society" (more on that in a minute), engage with others around you in a relatively-mature fashion, strive for continued growth, make well-reasoned decisions, consider the consequences of actions, etc. Is that an ideal rather than a realistic view? Probably.

Does it mean being old and boring? I hope not. Does it mean a little bit of planning ahead rather than grasshopper-like hope that everything will come 'round? Yes. Does it mean not having fun, not having adventures, not being open to possibilities? Never. Does it mean recognizing consequences of the adventures and opportunities? Probably so.

"If you do not consider yourself an "adult" yet, at what point do you think you will consider yourself "all grown up"?"

Like others have said, I don't think it's a process that's ever Finished. (Sort of like cleaning house!) I do think some people choose to let "I'm all grown up now" limit their lives - for that, I'm sad, but what can I do?

"How has your life changed since you were in your early to mid twenties? What do you NOT do, or have time for, or have the desire to do anymore that once was a cornerstone of your way of life back then?"

Yowza. My ambitions are completely different, for starters. I'm married (again, and seem to have gotten it right this time), I'm a homeowner (again, and one that is more within my ability to maintain, keep clean and afford). I'm more serious about my work than I was in my twenties (although I still fart around and do diaries and stuff!) I'm more worried about my health than I was (although obviously I went through a period where I wasn't, or I wouldn't be 75 pounds overweight!) There's a definite sense of responsibility to family, friends, etc. There's more of a sense of urgency to get some things done that I might not otherwise have time to do in my life.

Most of the things I don't do anymore that I did in my twenties are a direct result of something in the above paragraph. For those of you who don't remember me in my late teens/early twenties, that's where my "party babe" reputation is from. (If I could erase one association from people's minds, it would be that....) I drank heavily and regularly, slept with anything that moved and was vaguely interested or interesting, spent money with rather more abandon than was reasonable, hurt people (mostly accidentally, but alas, not always), had lots of "drama", changed friends like the wind, was angry a lot and generally behaved badly. During the same time, I wrote a lot of bad poetry (and some good stuff), studied a lot, wrote a lot, dreamed a lot, thought a lot, moved up significantly in my profession and had some really good times.

But definitely not where I am today (well, not mostly). My waistline and my head won't tolerate the drinking, my love life is quite fine without (most of) the flavour-of-the-month club, and with recent events (such as my brother's death), I'm too aware now of having little time to fritter it away.

"I'm just curious. I feel as though I myself, and quite a few other people I am close to have recently undergone significant life-shifts (or as my boss called mine, a "life-overhaul"!). I also think that because of these changes, people's perceptions are distorted."

I'm not sure about the perceptions, but it's true that at any time people's lives are undergoing major changes, and our mega-social-group is perhaps undergoing a cyclical increase in changes (as a result of age, where we are in our lives, etc.) How many weddings have their been in the last two years (10 that I can count off the top of my head)? Divorces? Maybe half that. Babies? At least that many. House purchases or sales? That many again.

I think it's a fact of life as we hit "the age we are"....

Sheesh, Leo - you bring out the philosophical side. Maybe I'd have answered differently on a sunny day. But now I have to go give a presentation....

Ta!

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